A Glimpse Of Self Image

  

 Do you ever catch a glimpse of yourself and feel like, “Hey, I KNOW you.” When you close your eyes and picture who you are, what do you see? The image that pops into my mind is of me wearing makeup, rocking a dress, surrounded by the people that I love. I am smiling so hard that it is lopsided and my weird laugh is filling the room. My body is relaxed and I feel like I am soaking up the happiness through each of my pores. Full disclosure: everyone else is also laughing at my sarcastic and inappropriate jokes in this image.

    That girl doesn’t come around as much as i’d like her to but it doesn’t stop me from feeling the most at ease in my skin during those moments. Is a part of that denial? Sure. Is a part of it delusion? Definitely--you should see the train wreck that I look like most days! In reality, I don’t hear my own laugh as much as I feel like I do. In fact, most hours I am alone and in silence. But, more so than acting out of denial or delusion, this image is a reflection of my subconscious decision to not let that happy, vibrant, and thriving version of myself fade to the background.

     The darker truths are always going to exist. Our tougher obstacles and all of our pain will try to harden us. It will try to swap out the lens that we see ourselves and our lives through. In the face of that, I just have to put on that dress and go laugh with my people because that image is the one that I choose to believe will be stamped onto this world.