My Achilles Heal

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After every weekend I spend with my niece & nephew, I fall into a pit of increased pain that pulls open the wound of my fears for the future. I have made true peace with all that I’ve been through in the past; my accident, my surgeries... But my fear of how I can mother through this pain is my Achilles heal. The thing that I have ALWAYS wanted most in life is to be a great mother. I think that I’ve wanted babies since I was a baby myself. It’s the thing that I have always felt destined to do more than anything. And I just know how hard this pain I live in will make it. All of my best assets for parenthood will be rung through this mucky water of pain. You see, I’m a very patient and sunny person and I dig deep to keep that the case (even while in pain) but something happens in your brain that just makes it (and a million other things) SO much harder. I’ve already given up my dreams of working with kids in a career but I couldn’t even fathom giving up the dreams of having my own. I know that I’ll figure it out and do the best that I can when the time comes but damn, it’s heart wrenching. You see, if it takes me days to get back to my baseline pain level from a weekend with 2 kids AND 2 other adults, how can I do it every single day (and on my own). I want to give a shoutout to all of the parents who have illnesses and injuries that make just getting out of bed feel like an impossible task some days...you are truly my heroes! I know that one day I will dig deep and just do my best just like you bravely do ❤️#FromCarlysHeart

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