Posts in From Carly's Heart
New Years 2019
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Oh 2018, how I would love to forget the tragedy and pain that you brought. And yet, I don’t want to forget you because you were the last year that I got to sit in my dad’s presence.


My legs are split open over the line of the changing year with my head and heart tossing from one side to another. I want my heart to stop feeling like it’s gushing blood constantly like it has the last couple of months of 2018 and yet I’m desperately afraid of time moving forward and any of my memories...of the inflections of his face, his laugh, his hand gestures and his lingo to fade. 


If 2018 brought you good fortune, I hope it continues tenfold this next year. If it brought you heartbreak, I hope that 2019 finds a way to fill your soul with something else that you so desperately need. Happy New Year, friends. I’m so grateful for you ❤️ #FromCarlysHeart #2019

Find Someone Who Holds Your Hand
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Find someone who will hold your hand in pre-op, get choked up while expressing gratitude for your doctor in post-op, and drive you home from the hospital in a snow storm (that felt more like the apocalypse) while you yell and cry out in pain for hourss. Find someone who will help you get dressed in your ugliest sweatpants in the most gentle manner. Find someone who looks at you like you hold the whole moon in your tiny hands when all you really hold is your wedding band from him, your beloved dad’s wedding band, and an IV for your (small in your book of experience) surgery. Find that person and hold onto them like they ARE the moon in your tiny hands because they will impact your crazy world in a way that only a moon could. #FromCarlysHeart

Holiday Cards with Basic Invite
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Can you believe that it’s already the time of year to order your holiday cards? I made mine on Basic Invite this year and thought that the process was really seamless. I feel like whenever you try to create something with photos and text, it becomes a disaster but I found the process to be really easy. I also liked that they had plenty of ‘alternative’ options besides the traditional red and gold choices. I like to choose cards that are still ‘on brand’ with my style and I appreciated that I was able to do that. We’re not an ultra traditional couple so I was glad that we were able to create a card that didn’t feel super classic or traditional. They have almost an unlimited variety of color options, so that was super helpful! We are a mixed religion household so keeping it ‘neutral’ is important to us. That being said, Basic Invite has plenty of traditional options as well. They also have cards with beautiful foil details, which I LOVE. They also have cool and retro holiday cards as well as awesome holiday party invitations! Check out the best Christmas cards!

In the interest of keeping it real, I had a hard time when I saw my cards. I created our holiday cards the week before my dad died and when I came back to my apartment for the first time following his death, I had these waiting in the mail for me. It felt absurd to read the words ‘Joyful’ splashed across the top of my cards. It is the opposite of how I have been feeling ever since and I have felt weird about sending them out to friends and family with all that’s been going on. However, I decided to try and look at them as a reminder to choose joy whenever and wherever we can. There are so many reasons to let Joy escape our lives but we can’t let it fully do that. Even while living under the crazy weight of this grief, I know that I still need to find reasons to smile and laugh, even if they are just a tiny drop in the bucket of tears. I know that this holiday season will be extremely hard. I know that there will be a million reasons why I find it to be extremely painful. I also know that I need to open my eyes as wide as I can so that I can seek out any bits of joy that may be scattered around in the midst of the sorrow. When I can’t find it, I know that I will need to create it…even if its just in subtle ways like having a cozy night by the tree with my husband watching a movie. So, this card that I created may not currently speak my truth since I am not ‘Joyful’ but I will hang it up with the reminder to create any tiny shreds of joy that I can and I hope that you will find plenty of reasons to be joyful during the holiday season.

If you are looking to create awesome holiday cards or holiday party invitations, make sure to check out Basic Invite. You won’t be disappointed with the selection! They even offer an address capturing service to make the whole process easier on you. They are running a ton of promotions this holiday season so make sure to check the website for their current promotion. At this moment, they are offering 15% off everything with the code 15FF51. Happy Holidays, friends!

 

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This post is sponsored. However, all thought and opinions are my own.

People Serve As Gravity
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After my accident nearly 6 years ago, I wrote “The people that love you serve as gravity when your world gets turned upside down.” Well, my world has officially fallen off its axis following my dad’s untimely death. Those words still hold so true though. I’m so thankful for my tribe who has been huddling tight around me. I’m not naive enough to think that I’ve taken more than one TINY step thus far on a VERY long road that lies ahead of me so it feels premature to hand out my thank you’s. Yet here I am, with my broken heart in my hand to say THANK YOU to my loved ones for the support thus far. Your sweet messages and thoughtful gifts hold great weight. It feels natural to shut out and off the world right now and yet I know that I have to get up every day, let as much love pour in as I can and keep trucking. To my husband, my family, my friends and my community (both on this platform and in ‘real’ life)...thank you for being my gravity thus far. #FromCarlysHeart

RIP Dad
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 “My beloved dad...your presence was so big in this world. You always brought the party. You loved largely and lived boldly. Whatever you did, you did big. Needless to say, the hole that you will leave in this world will be gigantic. You always said how our happiness was your happiness and that made us super lucky. Now, the light bulb for our happiness will forever be dimmed without you in our world. Your inner circle will never be the same. If circles had a beginnings to them, you would have been the start to ours. You were the first love of my life and you will always be one of my greatest. I will miss you every singe day. You will forever be our King.”

My Achilles Heal
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After every weekend I spend with my niece & nephew, I fall into a pit of increased pain that pulls open the wound of my fears for the future. I have made true peace with all that I’ve been through in the past; my accident, my surgeries... But my fear of how I can mother through this pain is my Achilles heal. The thing that I have ALWAYS wanted most in life is to be a great mother. I think that I’ve wanted babies since I was a baby myself. It’s the thing that I have always felt destined to do more than anything. And I just know how hard this pain I live in will make it. All of my best assets for parenthood will be rung through this mucky water of pain. You see, I’m a very patient and sunny person and I dig deep to keep that the case (even while in pain) but something happens in your brain that just makes it (and a million other things) SO much harder. I’ve already given up my dreams of working with kids in a career but I couldn’t even fathom giving up the dreams of having my own. I know that I’ll figure it out and do the best that I can when the time comes but damn, it’s heart wrenching. You see, if it takes me days to get back to my baseline pain level from a weekend with 2 kids AND 2 other adults, how can I do it every single day (and on my own). I want to give a shoutout to all of the parents who have illnesses and injuries that make just getting out of bed feel like an impossible task some days...you are truly my heroes! I know that one day I will dig deep and just do my best just like you bravely do ❤️#FromCarlysHeart

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Wellness Pain Treatments
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You may know that I deal with chronic pain on a daily basis following injuries that I sustained after being hit by a car in 2012. My primary sources of pain are my lower lumbar and SI joint. However, I also have pain issues and limitations in my right knee, pelvis and side/waist. My injuries and issues are so layered and complex (there’s the baseline issue and then issues from surgeries I’ve had like scar tissue build up, etc that pile on) so I won’t go into them all. My pain is mainly deep in my joints but I also have pain/issues with muscles, tendons, ligaments, nerves and scar tissue. Unfortunately, a lot of my life revolves around keeping my pain as under control as I can. I work really, really hard at doing everything that I can think of to help my pain levels. I always say that I will take any relief; even if its only a small percentage of relief, that percentage can be stacked with another percentage and add up. Anything is better than nothing. I (and really I should say we because my husband is such a great partner and is unfortunately impacted by everything), modify and adapt our lives a great deal to accommodate my pain and injuries (MUCH more than it seems to the outside world). I could go on an on about every little angle that my legs need to be at to relieve pain in my spine but instead, I’m here to focus on some tips that I think can be applicable to anyone with aches and pains. I want to mention that I have a whole slew of products that I suggest for post-op that I may do a post about if its relevant to people/you guys want it so please let me know.

These wellness focused “treatments” and products are things that I’ve found to be helpful over the years. I think that most of them can apply to anyone with aches and pains, even those that follow a workout with just normal soreness. In fact, the less severe the ache is, the more effective I think that these things would be. For example, I have to take a really high dose of CBD to notice a tiny, tiny dot of difference but I know friends of mine who say that a small amount really helps them. I find it very challenging to travel without these products (half of my suitcase is pain treatment items) and I find it so difficult to sleep out places because I am so reliant on my mattress, my special pillows, and just all of these products to help keep my pain at the ‘baseline’ average (which isn’t nearly what I wish it was).

The bummer about all of this is that it is not covered by insurance. I can get my insurance company to cover opioids and while I think that they would be more effective in making me feel less pain in a given moment, they have SO many negative side effects and are highly addictive so I don’t take them (except for immediately post op, depending on the surgery). The whole system is backwards and it’s mega upsetting. I can get ‘poison’ for free and yet have to pay an arm and a leg out of pocket for wholistic treatments. Similarly, there are no ‘middle ground’ doctors in my network that can help me create a treatment plan that falls somewhere in between Eastern and Western medicine. I have pieced advice together from all my pain management doctor, bone doctor, dietician, and acupuncturist. However, most of this comes from my own research and trial and error. However, I am not a doctor so I recommend speaking with your own doctor before trying these things.

Wellness Supplements

Castor oil : I put essential oils (mentioning my favorite ones for pain below) into a little bowl with castor oil and mix it. Then, I massage the castor oil in everywhere that I have pain (basically everywhere from the middle of my body down). I used to be diligent about then applying a heating pad (that you put in the microwave) to the areas that I have scar tissue but I fell off the habit and should get back to it because its supposed to be more effective.

CBD: I use all formats depending on the situation/what I have on hand (except I’ve never used the spray). I have to take a really high dosage to notice it make my muscles relax at all, which is unfortunate because it gets really expensive. If anyone has a brand that they recommend as being really strong for the cost and is a quality product please let me know.

Epsom salt: I use epsom salt in baths along with essential oils. I try to take an epsom soak at least a couple of times a week (it would be better if I did it every day). I highly recommend this for anyone who exercises regularly too.

Essential oils: I have been using essential oils for a few years now but over the past year I made a more concrete commitment to furthering my knowledge of them. I still have learning to do but I have found that they serve so many purposes. I have also noticed a difference in purchasing quality products from Young Living. I think that a little bit goes much further than the cheaper products I’ve purchased in the past and I generally feel more secure when I use them because I trust the brand more. I diffuse them, put them in baths, and apply them to my skin (with a carrier oil). I can do a whole separate blog post on these if anyone is interested but I will say that my ‘go tos’ for pain are: Valor, Eucalyptus, Lemongrass, Lavender, Cedarwood, Frankincense, and Relieve It.

Chelated iron: With the suggestion from a dietician and my bone doctor, I started taking Chelated iron and it has made such a difference for me. I have this throbbing pain that goes from my hips down the back of my legs and through my feet and its like a constant pulse. It makes it really hard to sleep. It’s like that feeling when you need to elevate your legs but it happens all the time. Since taking the iron, that feeling has lessened (but not gone away by ANY means). The chelated iron is much kinder to your stomach than regular iron.

Flaxseed oil: I’ve been taking this for years for inflammation and for the arthritis in my joints. I try to include it in my diet as well but at least I know I’m definitely intaking it every day.

Turmeric: I take this for inflammation and arthritis as well. I try to include it in my diet as well but at least I know I’m definitely intaking it every day.

Vitamin D & Calcium: I don’t directly take these for pain. I take these because I developed Osteopenia (low bone density) after my accident and have continued to show low bone density on my scans ever since, even though all of my blood word and diet is within normal range. They believe that this is because I have been non weight bearing on and off for so many years with all of the surgery I get/have had and how much I have to lay around every day due to pain. Even though the range for my diet is normal, we are trying to boost my levels of these things above the normal range to help my bones.

Vegan collagen: for bones & beauty  

Treatments:

Barre: I went to PT for years and it was great…I learned a lot and it helped me a lot. It got to a point where it felt like I was being ‘babied’ and like I knew what they were teaching me enough to take it off site. I started barre years ago (and have done it on and off depending on restrictions following surgeries). It is a great exercise for me because it is low impact, strength building, and I can modify when I need to. It also involves a lot of stretching!

Mayo facial release massage therapy: I aim to get a mayo facial release massage once a week. I go to Massage Envy because the member prices are great. My biggest advice is to keep trying different people there until you find the right person who is the right fit for you. Its scary for me to try new people because I have been hurt many times by massage therapists (by accident). Plus, I know that the therapist that I see knows my injuries and spends all of the time focusing on them in the right way. This type of massage is not relaxing or ‘enjoyable’ per say but I find it to be incredibly enjoyable because it provides me relief in that moment especially.

Dry needling: This is a new treatment that I started. It is a form of acupuncture where they place the needle in deeper, kind of dig it around, and then pull it out right away. It’s like trigger point release therapy. If I find it to be helpful long term, I will do a post solely dedicated to it. I was really sore after getting it the first time (like sore to the lightest touch), which made me really excited that it’s doing something.

Stretching: I am an avid stretcher and huge believer in stretching. I stretch every single day, often multiple times a day. If I’m standing by a wall, I will start stretching my calves even. When you are hurt and especially if you are overcompensating (even if you try your hardest not to), other parts of your body will ache that aren’t even hurt. I strongly believe that everyone should be stretching. It’s my life line. You will see my stretching in a restaurant or the weirdest places because it provides me with a second of relief that I need. My favorite tools to stretch with are this Magic circle  and this Foam roller.

Products That Are Life Savers:

Casper mattress : I don’t know if a day goes by that I say that I’m not grateful for my Casper mattress. It has changed my life! It somehow is exactly what I need for it to be and I can’t even believe it. If I sleep in any mattress besides a Casper now, I find it to be almost intolerable. Laying flat in my Casper, with my special pillows helps me recover more so than anything else that I do.

Body pillow: I need for my spine to be aligned and can’t have it twisting in or collapsing so a body pillow is a necessity. I actually have a cheap one but this memory foam one is on my wish list majorly because the matching regular pillow has been a life saver for me.

Temper-pedic pillow : This pillow is NOT delicious…it does not feel all cozy and amazing to lay on. However, it helps keep my spine in line in the way that I perfectly set it up (it takes me hours to get comfortable and fall asleep because pain and sleep don’t go hand in hand yet I NEED sleep to reduce pain so I’m grateful for anything that helps). It’s great for side sleeping and sleeping on your back.

Compression socks: My genius husband recently had this idea to help my leg and feet cramps and aches (come from my SI issues and nerve issues). They aren’t comfortable but they have been helping. I’m trying to wear them for a great deal of the day.

Dehumidifier : Another genius idea by my husband! My joint pain gets so much worse when it rains or when its really dense in the air (I think my husband was sick of me playing weather woman and predicting the rain haha). I recently learned that when you have holes in your joints (I have multiple from past surgeries and then removal of hardware), you feel it even more because your body ‘fills’ those holes with moisture to match the outside world. Let me tell you, the pressure is intense! It makes it even harder for me to sleep when it rains so we put one of these in our bedroom and one in the main area of our apartment. Obviously, these aren’t great for your skin care routine or for breathing but if you’re suffering from the rain like me, I highly recommend it.

Heating pad : For muscle tension

Gel ice pack: The CVS gel cold compresses are like gold because you can place them under your back and lay flat on them.

Essential oil diffusers: I have one on my nightstand and one in my kitchen/living area.

Ultrasound machine: I purchased this to help break up scar tissue but really haven’t utilized it enough because I can’t do it by myself and really, how much can I ask Jay to do when he gets home late from work?! I want to try to do it more though.

Kitchen mat: Game changer for anyone with a bad knee, bad joints or just anyone that cooks! I can’t tolerate standing on the hard ground at all so I always wear “indoor sneakers” but standing still is really hard for me regardless and this mat really helps. Its not the most attractive thing but I could NEVER live without it. I want one in my bathroom as well because I really struggle with standing up to get ready for bed each night but its just not the best idea with the amount of space we have. This mat is worth the investment, trust me!

House shoes: Like I said, my joints can’t stand standing on the ground. I need a slip on ‘sneaker’ of sort that I can slide on without having to bend over to put them on but still won’t put me at risk for falling or tripping (aka have a back to them). I put these on just to get up to walk from the couch to the bathroom because I can’t tolerate it that much. Any layer of cushion is much appreciated, even if they are SO ugly! I want to try Dansko shoes next, which medical professionals wear and are also ugly. I never want to spend a lot of money on these because I wear them so much that I wear through them quickly but I am open to any other better suggestions for these!

Anti Inflammatory Foods:

I want to first say that while I try my best to avoid these foods during the week, I am not perfect. I also do not avoid all of them on the weekends because food brings me a lot of happiness and there is A LOT to be said for things that bring you happiness, even with so many limitations. I have been a vegetarian since I was 10 years old AND I have been a healthy person in general. My motives for eating how I do are rooted in MANY things, and pain is one of them. I try to avoid these foods that cause inflammation as best as possible during the week. Cutting dairy (really just cheese) out of my weeknight diet has been the most challenging thing of all. Here are the foods that I generally try to avoid:

Meat

Dairy  

Processed foods with additives  

Processed sugar  

Refined carbohydrates  

Eggs

Some Things I’ve Tried But Didn’t Work FOR ME:

Regular Accupuncture: I did’t see results but would be willing to try it again if it didn’t cost so much money out of pocket. I believe SO much that acupuncture DOES work though for so many people so definitely try it!

Hypnotherapy: I did’t see results but would be willing to try it again if it didn’t cost so much money out of pocket.

Chiropractor: It isn’t safe for my spinal injuries.

Cyrotherapy: If you’re into paying for cold torture, do it haha. I’m sure it’s helpful for people but I tensed my muscles so much.  

Stim: It’s fine but just doesn’t do much for me.

Lidocaine patches: Too surface level for my injuries it seems

Magnesium: It made me feel shaky and faint, which are feelings that I really don’t enjoy (they trigger anxiety and I’m prone to it), but I’m intrigued to try again maybe if I wasn’t alone or something.

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Currently Entertained By...

I thought that I'd share what I'm currently loving listening to, reading and watching. I'm sharing my favorite podcast, book series, music album, and TV show of the moment (aka last couple of months). If you watch/listen/read any of them, let me know what you think! I feel like we're all always looking for a solid recommendation and here are mine:

What I'm Listening to:

Podcast: I've been loving Armchair Expert podcast by Dax Shepard. I've always been a fan of his but now am even more so. I love people and getting to know them and their stories. Howard Stern interviews have always been favorites of mine because they really don't have a large agenda and are more so about getting to know someone and their story. Human nature, how we all cope, love, and things like that are my JAM and Dax is in touch with a lot of that and really highlights it in his podcast. I listen to it on the Podcasts application that came on my Iphone (make sure to download episodes while you have WIFI). I will listen to an episode over the course of a couple of days, broken up into little segments. I listen as I'm folding laundry, applying lotion after I shower, cooking dinner, running errands, driving, etc. It's such a great way to stay entertained and engaged during all of the mundane tasks. Plus, for someone who works from home, it helps me feel less isolated during the day (sad but true). My favorite episodes were: Mila Kunis, Mae Whitman, Anna Faris and Jimmy Kimmel. If you're a Parenthood fan (like me), then you will appreciate all of his cast mates interviews! He also does one with his wife, Kristin Bell, which was cool. I've honestly loved all of the ones that I've listened to but that's my highlight reel.

Music: My album of the summer has been Come Tomorrow by Dave Matthews Band. I was raised on DMB and have been a fan since I learned how to talk/sing. My mom is a huge Dave Matthews fan and always incorporated his music into our lives. She was so passionate and would rewind songs and say "did you hear how much he loves her by the tone of his voice?" "did you hear that line, let me play it for you again." Now, I annoy Jay by doing the same things. I have had tears in my eyes more times than I can count from his songs. So many summers of my life are marked by his albums. The songs from them can transport me back in time in an instant. It's so cool how music can mark the timeline of your life like that. I remember the couple of songs that I was obsessed with the summer before my senior year of high school for example and it always puts me back to that moment when I listen to them. I attended his concert every year from the time that I was 11 or so and those also marked the summers in my mind. I've only gone to 1 since my accident and it was so hard on my back that I haven't gone back since but its something that I truly miss SO much. I want to try and find a way to make it work somehow in the future because it feeds my soul. If you haven't listened to this new album, you definitely should! I love the first song to his daughter(s). I also love Can't Stop, That Girl is You, Here on Out, Virginia in the Rain, and When I'm Weary. I really wanted to name them all but controlled myself haha. 

What I'm Reading:

I read the Cold Fury Hockey Series this summer and really liked it. Each book is about a different player on the Cold Fury professional hockey team. I downloaded all of the books as a package on my kindle. They are quick and easy reads that keep you engaged the whole time. I love reading a series because I feel like otherwise you fall in love with characters and then they are just gone from your life. With this series, I was able to keep those characters around because the next book would be about their friends or siblings and the characters from the previous books would make appearances and you'd get updates on what's going on with them. I read for relaxation and to escape so I typically don't read thought provoking books (I'm more likely to listen to those on an Audible or listen to podcasts). Instead, I want to read to escape and turn my mind off (and prepare to sleep). I personally love romance novels but I know they aren't for everyone (especially if you're prude haha). If you're on board with love stories, in this case about professional hockey players, then definitely check it out! 

What I'm Watching:

I feel like we always watch less TV in the summer. We're not really binging a show or setting aside the time to do so. We probably have been watching 1 episode of GOT a week (still catching up) and 1 other episode a week. We've been liking watching My Next Guest Needs No Introduction by David Letterman on Netflix. They are stand alone episodes so it's perfect to watch one here and there when you aren't sitting down in front of the TV frequently. Like the Armchair Expert podcast, he doesn't have much of an agenda of what he has to talk about as the guests aren't really coming on the show with the intention to promote something. I don't think that Letterman is as interesting of an interviewee as Dax because he doesn't divulge much about himself and his own feelings on topics and really just redirects every question that he's asked. Still, he's a legend and is funny. His guests are awesome. My favorite episodes were Jay Z and Obama's. If you like interviews that "go there" then definitely check this out.

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First Year Of Marriage Reflections
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Today is Jay and my one year wedding anniversary! I thought that it would be a good time to reflect on our first year of marriage and share a few thoughts with you guys as well so here it goes...

Our first year of marriage was filled with tons of great memories! We laughed a lot (so glad I married my number 1 comedic fan even if he doesn't want to admit it). He cheered me on as I started a new career (and really has been my partner through that venture has well) and I supported him through all of his big endeavors. Our first anniversary trip was one for the freaking books. Having 2 weeks straight with him, exploring this world, experiencing new things and all of that with him is the most treasured thing of all. We did a lot of fun things, like that, this past year that create those bigger memories that we'll always remember but we also had plenty of "regular" memories that I will always treasure. Memories from this time in our lives when it was only the 2 of us, making pancakes on a Sunday morning in our little apartment while listening to music. I crave more slow mornings with him, where we skip on plans and timelines and responsibilities because doing nothing with him is my favorite thing of all. 

Unfortunately, this past year was also filled with plenty of hard times. This Fall and Winter were pretty brutal for me since I was feeling really ill while changing medications (like really ill) and I had a procedure for my back, which involved another recovery. We also faced personal things with our families. Even through the bad times, we were together. I'd be up all night feeling like sh** but Jay would be in bed beside me holding my hand. I couldn't get off the couch but we lit candles and binged watched GOT and made a cozy night out of it. We comforted one another through tears and laughed the hardest at one another's jokes during the happier moments...and that is marriage. He is my rock. He is most steady force in my life and it is my greatest honor to be his in return. 

I used to wonder if marriage would be different. I mean, we've lived together in this home for almost 4 years now so we've been doing the whole co-habitating thing for a while now. I also think that we've had a sense of security in our relationship from a young age because of all that we've gone through together following my accident. We've walked through some dark times together and have always rode it out as a team (and Jay has always been the most supportive partner) so I think that there has always been a strong sense of "forever" and "in sickness and in health." 

However, I have noticed that there are things that feel different about being married. Mainly, I've felt like we are a family unit more so than ever. I feel like we are The Robinsons and that we created our own little family of 2 the day that we got married. I don't really know how to describe it because I always felt like he was my family but now it feels solidified and even more so like its him and I taking on the world. I wear his last name with pride and it makes me embarrassingly giddy to think about how we are The Robinsons and Mr. and Mrs. Robinson. I know that changing your last name isn't for everyone and its really not about the name so I respect that decision (identifying as Carly Robinson on my own feels stranger than The Robinsons). Marriage has created this new sense of belonging to one another. The day that we kissed for the first time was the start of 'us' but the day that we said our vows was the start of our family.

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I also was surprised at my reaction to seeing him wear a wedding ring...I mean it's just a piece of jewelry so I don't get what the big deal when I actually think about it but I can't help it. I think that it's insanely hot to see him wearing his wedding band. He looks like such a MAN and then I realize that he's MY man and that really gets me. I sound like such a pathetic girl for admitting that but it's true, there's just something about it. 

Jay is the flint that sparks the lighter and the fuel that holds the flame for me. Marriage (from what I gather thus far) is exciting and fun but it's the constant fuel that holds the flame that matters. It's the slow Sunday mornings and the holding of one another's hands through the tough nights that matter the most. I'll take all of the laughs and travel any day though!

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Wedding Video

The Wedding Video

Our one year wedding anniversary is a month from today and we finally got our wedding video so I thought that it would be the perfect time to share it! This will be the first of my wedding day posts. I haven’t been able to do them until now because I haven’t had my digital images from the wedding day. Apparently, in my contract with the photographer, it stated that I would only have access to the digital images once my album was ordered and FINISHED. I guess they do this so that you don’t print your own images but it seems crazy that I can’t get them until the album is completed, even though I paid for  and ordered it monthssss ago. Anyway, it’s something to look out for in your contract because I had no idea about this rule until the wedding was over. Once I get the pictures, I’ll be continuing the wedding day blog posts! I plan on giving any and all advice that I can think of, sharing all of our day of details and invitation suite, and walking you through the amazing day!

The video is the perfect thing to show first anyway because it makes you feel like you are really there on the day! I know that video is something that people cut from the budget first and I have to say that I think that it should actually be one of the last things that you cut. That’s just my personal opinion, based on my experience and having 20/20 hindsight. Watching it is the closest that I can come to reliving my wedding day over and over again! I’m so grateful to have it as a time capsule of sorts. When I’ve had hard days, I’ve pulled it up and watched it (along with smelling the essential oil that I bought in Bora Bora haha) and it brings me to my happy place! Jay and I also received all of the raw footage from our wedding (it was just automatically a part of the package) and it was fun to watch that! We had it waiting for us when we returned from our honeymoon so it was nice to have something to immediately watch. Its cool because you see parts of the day that you missed since you can’t be everywhere at every moment with every person.  Plus, the dancing scenes are THE BEST and our friends and family crush it. In full disclosure, the first time we watched it, I just loathed myself so much that all I could focus on was hating my voice, watching myself cry, and all that but then we immediately rewatched it and I was able to get over myself and enjoy it. I’m the most grateful to have our ceremony, first look, speeches and first dance captured. There were also a lot of special moments that I’m glad we have on the raw footage that didn’t make the trailer, like Jay crying opening my gift (he HATES that part and I LOVE it haha). I kept a journal throughout our engagement and wrote him notes during milestones throughout it, reasons I wanted to marry him, song lyrics, and things like that. It was long so he only read some of it on camera but watching his face change as he scanned the words is something that stuck with me. People have asked if we were able to select the clips that were included in the trailer and we were not, which was fine. The editors selected the clips and voice overs and compiled it all but we were able to select the songs.

I've always considered watching wedding videos a hobby of mine so its so fun to get to share my own! After my accident, I would lay awake all night in pain and go down a tunnel of watching random people's wedding views and crying as I felt the love that these strangers on the internet were showing. Jay always says, "you love love" and it's true. I am a romantic at heart so wedding videos are my jam.

The Where

We got married at Bonnet Island Estate, which is located on the bay, right as you’re coming onto Long Beach Island over the causeway. I’ve been going to LBI my whole life and in 1999 my parents built a house there. They named the house Tranquility (it was featured on the map of the island in our invitation suite, which I will include in one of the upcoming blog posts)! I thought that it was so embarrassing that my parents put up a sign outside the house calling it Tranquility as a kid but I quickly grew an appreciation for it. It truly is my happy place and my home where I feel the most Tranquil. Nine winters ago, Jay and I had our first little getaway alone at the house and it quickly became his happy place as well! The fact that he LOVES it down there so much makes me love him even more. We have had so many memories down there, both good and bad (I recover down here from most of my surgeries) throughout our relationship. The first time that our families met was 8 summers ago down in LBI and we have continued to spend time down there, all together, every year since. It was also fun to go down to LBI with our parents throughout our engagement to do wedding planning tasks and create all of those new memories. My (and Jay's) friends and I also share SO many memories from down here (some of my bridesmaids and I have been coming down here together since we were 3 years old)! We had too many party weekends down here (throwback to after prom), a million slumber parties as kids, sorority pledge class “reunions,” couples weekends and more down here with friends so it was suiting to have the biggest party of our lives here. Yes, my parents are the most generous creatures on Earth! Needless to say, it was a special destination to celebrate our love, officially blend our two families and party with our friends.

The owners built Bonnet Island Estate when I was a kid and as I watched it get built from the ground up, I would always say, “I want to get married there when I’m grown up”. I can confidently say that the majority of plans that we have in life don’t actually end up happening the way that they thought they would...it’s a reality I’ve faced many times and constantly have to work on making peace with. The fact that this dream came true is something that I will forever be grateful for! I’m so insanely thankful towards my parents for making that childhood dream of mine come true and to my groom for being even more than I could have fantasized about! Luckily, Jay was/is totally obsessed with it as well so it was easy. Of course, as a kid I didn’t know that I would hate the carpet so much haha. But the reality is no venue is perfect (I hated the decor inside, the barn where we got married was way too small and didn’t have AC, I disliked the table and chairs, and the list goes on). However, I LOVE it there so much, to the point that it felt like a second home. I genuinely miss it and can’t wait to go back there this summer and every year to just walk around and hang out. It just felt right. We plan on going back every summer to hang out (the people that work there are super encouraging of that). We rented out the estate for the night as well, which was PERFECT. We were able to get ready there in the morning in the salon (the guys had a separate hang out area), do a first look by the dune grass, take photos on the property, have rest time (I needed to get out of my dress and lay down in bed before the ceremony so I was glad there were beds on site), have the guests arrive via shuttle from the hotel and then go straight to the ceremony, cocktail hour and reception. Then, we had an after party (with food from The Chicken or The Egg aka CHEG brought in) on the deck and our families plus some bridesmaids and groomsmen were able to sleep over. We woke up the next morning and went back onto the deck for brunch with everyone, which included our favorite doughnuts from Ferraras Bakery and breakfast from the Cheg. I love that it was a ‘one stop shop’ and that it was so seamless. It was also great to be able to just walk (or in my case take the elevator up one flight haha) upstairs and go to sleep in the bridal suite.

The Basics

We had 197 of our friends and family members filling up that property with so much love. Our ceremony was in a little barn on site., with doors that opened on one side to the bay and to a garden on the other side. The entire venue is set on the bay with marshland in view. That’s why our wedding hashtag was #CarlyAndJayByTheBay!

Jay’s sister, Renee, was our officiant and it was SO special to have someone so close to us marry us. We didn’t include any religion in the ceremony (I’m Jewish and Jay is Christian but neither of us identify strongly with our religions), so we just created the ceremony along with Renee, from scratch based on what felt the most ‘us’. It was very personal and we both cried a lot during it (but my ugly crying face is the one they chose to show more in the video haha). I will do a blog post all about creating a non-traditional wedding ceremony but I already wrote one for Style Me Pretty that you can find here as well!

Attire

My dress was made by Inbal Dror and purchased at Mark Ingram Atelier in Manhattan. I actually went there specifically for this dress because I had seen it online and nothing else that I was finding while dress shopping was measuring up in my head. It’s funny because I had a lot of self doubt when I purchased it because I pulled money from other areas of the budget to cover it and it felt selfish. However, it ended up being one of the decisions that I was the happiest and most confident about. The alterations were not easy though. Apparently I have a really short torso and they couldn’t alter it short enough to not show my butt crack so I eventually had to find underwear that was close to my skin color (not an easy task) to wear under the sheer mesh backing of the dress, among other things. It’s supposed to be ‘made to measure’ but we had to change a lot but it all worked out in the end! Jay LOVED it, which made/makes me really freaking happy. He still talks about it and every time he does I’m like “tell me more”! I felt like myself in it, just a better version haha. I bought little block kitten heels but only wore them during the ceremony and first look. Besides that, even during photos and our first dance, I wore white Nike ID running sneakers that said “Jay’s Bride” on the back of them. I wanted to wear cooler/trendier sneakers, but they just weren’t as comfortable for my joints and I needed anything that would help my endurance in getting through the day. Going into it, I was self conscious about it (I mean, everyone looks better in heels, period), but so many people were coming up to me saying how hilarious and awesome it was that I was wearing running shoes and they were relatively hidden by my dress. That is, until Jay stepped on and broke my bustle after our first dance aka 5 minutes into the reception haha. The bridal attendant tried to sew it but after 20 minutes of missing my reception, I begged for her to just let me go and held my train the rest of the night. I’m SO glad that I wore the running sneakers because the wedding day was truly equivalent to running 2 marathons on my body and I needed all of the help that I could get!

Jay’s suit was from Suit Supply in Soho. I was really happy for him that he got to have a cool, special experience when buying his wedding outfit as well! Everyone that worked there was so helpful and cool. The place looked like it was straight out of GQ and everything was such nice quality. I thought that the suit was the perfect shade of grey for our summer wedding. We steered away from linen because it wrinkles really easily and didn’t feel as dressy. His tie (and the groomsmen’s ties) along with his suspenders were from Tie Bar. He wore navy suede shoes from Zappos. His boutonniere had a ranunculus and a succulent. In my completely unbiased opinion, he could not have looked like a more handsome or studly groom! I will forever have the image his amazing smiling, eyes staring into mine with tears in them, looking extra blue from all of our beautiful surroundings. Lucky is an understatement! 

All of the bridesmaids wore Joanna August dresses. I told them the color (AKA Into The Mystic, which I thought was perfect for the venue) and they picked whichever style they wanted out of 60 or so choices. I think that they all looked BEAUTIFUL and that the dresses complimented the guy’s outfits perfectly. 95 percent of them chose wrap dresses, which was helpful during alteration time because they could adjust the tightness on their own and only worry about getting the hemline altered. We gifted them their earrings, robes from Plum Pretty Sugar (not shown) and hair appointments.

The groomsmen rented suits from Black Tux, which worked out really well. It was really inexpensive and easy because you just send in all of your measurements online. Only one guy had a problem with the fit when it arrived (that I know of haha) and sent it back but received the replacement in time. We gifted all of the groomsmen their Navy suede Sam Edelman shoes and their Tie Bar ties. Their suits were slightly darker than Jay's but Jay's suit had some of the darker color in it. I thought that it was a nice contrast while matching seamlessly. 

Unfortunately, the ring bearer and flower girl aren’t in the video and it was the one thing that we were both really upset about after seeing the video. We are really close with them (they’re Jay’s sister and brother in law/best man’s kids). I asked the editors to swap out a clip from the ceremony (and gave them specific timing of a clip to swap out that timed up perfectly for an even swap) in order to include them walking down the aisle but they wouldn’t do it. You’ll see how freaking adorable they looked once we get the photos though! I bought the ring bearer’s outfit from Janie and Jack and the flower girl’s dress from BHLDN. He was 1.5 years old so I picked his whole outfit for him and I LOVED it, especially the little starfish boutonniere and straw fedora. Our niece is older so I showed her 15 or so choices for dresses and let her pick which one she wanted to wear. She (deservingly) felt like the other bride and looked SO beautiful in it! I had the florist make her a little flower crown with silver dollar eucalyptus, which I think looked so sweet.

The flowers were all done by A Touch of Elegance and I think that they did an awesome job! Some of the colors weren’t what I would have hoped for (I don’t like peach, its too close to enemy aka orange haha) but with flowers, its hard because they’re natural things that grow from the Earth, obviously. I was in love with the idea of doing a mini flower wall to rest on the mantle in the ceremony and then get moved to behind our sweetheart table love seat for the reception. I would have loved to have some peonies but it was too late in the season for my florist to get them but I love garden roses so much so I’m glad that we were able to incorporate them! My parents surprised me with some flowers and eucalyptus on the archway in our ceremony, which I had wanted but didn’t end up ordering because it would have brought us over budget. It was such a sweet gesture and made me cry 1/100390 times on the day. I am going to include details on the centerpieces, cocktail hour flowers and all of those details once we get the photos.

We booked the Nick Campbell Band through Hank Lane music and loved them so much! They were really fun and energetic and so talented. Hank Lane is a really professional, amazing company. So many of my friends have used them and I’ve been impressed every time. They match you with a band that fits your style and budget and I think that they did a great job pairing us with the Nick Campbell Band. My favorite musician of all time is Dave Matthews band and our song has always been Crush so we decided to dance to Crush for our first dance. The band did DMB justice and were just so fun throughout the whole night!

More details to come in future posts but for now, click play on this video and join us in reliving the greatest day of my life! https://vimeo.com/248187006

 

Making People Feel Loved
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Yesterday my grandma took my hands, looked me in the eyes and said, “You always make me feel so loved. I just KNOW how much you love me.” And while I want to tackle tons of macro level problems in this crazy world and hang my hat on wildly impressive accomplishments...making people feel loved, cared for & seen is sometimes just enough. At the end of the day, if we are making people (from our close friends to our waitress in a restaurant & everyone in between) feel cared for then we’re doing something right. #FromCarlysHeart

Thinking About Invisible Illnesses After Having a Sinus Infection
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I have a sinus infection and it’s been such a reminder of the downsides of “invisible illnesses/pain” that I face everyday with my back issues. The huge piles of tissues, cough, etc have elicited a generous amount of empathy from the people around me. It’s such a simple label and has symptoms that people can see and hear.

Jay is perpetually sweet and the MOST supportive partner through all of my pain ALWAYS but he has been so extra attentive because I think he can relate to how I feel this time. He knows what it feels like to have a sinus infection + can see it with his eyes so empathy is just free flowing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m so grateful. It just keeps making me think about how if THIS is the type of reaction I’m getting from a dumb sinus infection from people, imagine what kind of response I would get to my suffering with my back pain that’s on a much larger scale (don’t get me wrong the combo of being sick and in pain puts my past my maximum tolerance and I’m currently v unhappy haha).

I’ve found that the moments when I’ve been on crutches have been easier in a specific way in that they served as a message to the world. I can’t take subways for multiple reasons with my back but one of them is that I’ve been stuck too many times without a seat because I look like a healthy 28 year old. I’ve wanted to wear a shirt that reads “please be patient when I walk slowly, I was hit by a car” many times. I think that the most challenging part of having an invisible illness/injury is suffering in silence to a large degree. In a way I think it’s a great thing because I want to come off as “normal”, I want to maintain as much normalcy in my life as possible, I don’t want my pain to run the show all the time, etc. In fact, I keep my voice quiet a lot with the people in my life because I don’t even want them to know how bad it truly is. But that invisibility sets you up for a lot of lonely feelings in your suffering. It’s natural to understand what we’ve personally experienced but if we haven’t experienced it, it’s at least easier to understand if we can SEE it. It’s such an important lesson that you never know what pain (emotional or physical) someone is walking around it and how you really can’t judge a book by its cover (as cliche as that is).